His Last Performance
by LibbyAnn13
Summary: Rogers last time on stage MarkRoger friendship, RogerApril. Won 1st place at speedrent!


Title: His Last Performance  
Author: phoenixprincess AKA Libby  
Feedback: appreciated  
Pairing: Roger/April; Mark/Roger friends  
Word Count: 1737  
Rating: PG-13 for drug abuse  
Genre: angst  
Summary: Rogers last time on stage  
Notes: 2 years post-RENT  
Special Thanks: to all the writers who inspire me.  
Spoilers: Rent I suppose  
Warnings: character death  
Disclaimer: Rent, and the characters associated with Rent are not mine. I just like to play with them

It was his last performance. Mark knew that, Roger knew that. Yet they didn't say anything about it. Didn't say anything about the fact that they had to roll Roger into the gymnasium in a wheelchair, or that Mark had to help him to sit on the metal table from the loft that they always brought with them.

Mark and Roger have been doing this ever since Collins died a year ago. They had been talking about it for six months before that when Mimi died. It was their life now, their livelihood.

They toured the east coast with Marks movie. Mostly high schools and teen centers. They would teach about the dangers of drugs and HIV, how you can get it and how you can't. They talked about acceptance of queers and homeless people. And they did all this without teachers or moderators in the room.

It was one of Marks few rules. He wanted the kids to be able to ask and answer questions without having to worry about getting in trouble with their parents. It helped to talk about it and he still kept in touch with a few of the kids when their lives were getting tough.

Roger's part in the performance changed regularly. He mostly just tagged along with Mark because he was afraid of being left alone. They weren't home very often anymore and Roger knew that he would have gone stir crazy.

But this was his last performance and he wanted to do something different, something harder for him.

He was going to talk about his own experiences, about his loss and the fear that comes with having AIDS.

He talked about it to Mark a week ago and, although he was concerned for his friends health, he agreed that it would be a good idea. Then he went on to say that if Roger wanted, Mark would tape in and edit it into Today 4 U: Proof Positive, to ease some of the pain he is sure to show to the audience. Roger refused.

Mark was going to tape him anyway. Mark was going to put it into the movie anyway. Because this would be Roger's last performance.

Roger sighed as he looked out at all the confused faces. They had no idea why they were here, not to mention the fact that there were no teachers in the room. So innocent, and yet…

Just looking at some of these kids he could see the tell tail sign of abuse. When Mark announced that this presentation would be about Drug abuse and AIDS more than a few of the kids rubbed their arms self consciously. He shook his head and looked down, praying he could get through to them, hoping he could save them.

It was Rogers turn before he realized it. The movie was over and looking at the audience from his perch on top of the table he saw tears in many eyes. He took a deep breath and began.

"Hi. I'm Roger Davis. I came to New York when I was 17 with dreams and hopes and not enough fears. I wanted to be a rock star, and for a while I was. I reveled in the feeling. In the beginning I didn't need drugs, I got high just from the look on the faces of the fan girls screaming my name. But everyone was doing it, 'you're a Rock Star' they said, 'it comes with the territory.'"

He had to take a few breaths to steady himself. Maybe he should have let Mark film this. He wasn't as strong as he once was, and all this emotion was wearing him out. He felt a hand on his shoulder and saw Mark smiling sadly at him. Briefly he wondered why he wasn't in the back of the room filming him when he saw the camera on the tripod. Mark always knew what he needed, and what he needed right now was Marks comfort, or else he wouldn't get through this.

"At first the feeling was wonderful. The high added to the rush I felt from doing something wrong. I was always careful. Always made sure I opened my own needles. I had a deathly fear of dying and I thought that if I was careful, then I'd be safe. Then I met April.

"She was wild and crazy and sexy and said she loved me. We'd get high together and go at it like a couple of rabbits. At the time I thought she was the best thing that ever happened to me. I met Mark through her. She was friends with his girlfriend at the time Maureen,"

A few space giggles from the audience. Obviously they remember her from the movie, but all they saw was her and Joanne. Roger managed a weak smile at Marks red face and turned back to the students.

"I was having the time of my life. I had April, Mark, Collins, Maureen and Benny. But more importantly I had smack.

"Shooting up is not glamorous people. It's not always a good time. You get a bad hit, or something purer than your used to and you can end up rolling around the floor in your own vomit, screaming in pain. But eventually that feeling hits you again and you forget all about the risks and search for that feeling. That feeling that nothing bad in your life matters and that everything is all good, all the time."

Roger had to stop there to wipe a few stray tears from his cheeks. God, and he's talking about the good times, what happens when…

"All through this I was still careful. I opened my own needles and if I didn't have a clean needle I would smoke or snort it. Didn't have the same effect, but at least it got me high. I made sure that April always used clean needles too. At least whenever she was with me. And she said it became habit for her too.

"She was high off her ass when I caught her in bed with our dealer. She didn't even stop when she saw me. She just gave me a smile and went back at it. I left. I couldn't deal with it. I loved her more than life itself and I couldn't see her do that. I went and got high. Even through my pain though I used a needle in its wrapper. I didn't need a disease on top of heartbreak."

Mark was gone. He wasn't anywhere on the stage. He searched the crowd and found him making sure that his camera was positioned right and still running. He had upgraded since they started this, no more winding it up, and yet it was still habitual for him. There eyes connected and Mark hurried back to the stage. Roger didn't begin again till he felt a hand on his arm.

"I decided that we needed to talk but I didn't want to do it high, it would just turn into an argument and make everything worse. So I waited till I was down a little and returned to the loft. She was there, crying, on the couch. She wasn't high, at least not as high as she was, because no matter what happens she doesn't cry high."

He gave a mirthless chuckle at the rhyme and, wiping more tears, began quickly. He wanted to get this over with.

"We talked. She said she did it for me. She had gotten at least a weeks worth of smack for one fu-…screw. She said she was sorry and that it would never happen again. I believed her because I couldn't loose her. We made love that night for the first time sober, without protection.

"About three weeks later she began to act odd. I thought it was just because her friend Ana just found out she was positive. I held her and comforted her and got high with her. I did all I could but it really didn't change things. A month later she was dead"

His voice broke. He didn't know if he could handle this part. Mark squeezed his shoulder and gave him a little smile. He knew the story, at least he knew what Roger told him. He never knew…never knew what he was about to say.

"She slit her wrists in the bathtub of out loft. Mark found her. All she left me in the bathroom was a note. 'WE HAVE AIDS.' No 'sorry babe' no 'I love you' just 'WE HAVE AIDS'. It hurt more than her death. I didn't understand. We were always careful. And how would she know if I had it, I hadn't even gotten tested. But it wasn't me that she was talking about in the note."

He felt Mark's inquisitive gaze on his back but he couldn't bare to look at him. Roger had no idea why he chose to tell the truth, and not the lie he's been telling for years. He cleared his throat.

"I got the autopsy report about a month later, after I knew that I was positive. I wanted to make sure that she really was and that it wasn't just some hallucination from the drugs. It was true but there was something else that jumped out at me. 'WE HAD AIDS' didn't mean me and April, it meant April and our…her baby. She…she was pregnant."

Roger really looked into the audience for the first time since he began his story. All the girls were in tears. Some of the boys looked stressed and a few were even wiping their eyes trying to be inconspicuous._Good_he thought,_they need to be shocked. They need to know that it isn't worth the feeling._He heard a mumbled "oh, Roger." from Mark and knew he was in tears as well. Roger composed himself as best he could for the last time. He got himself ready to say the words that they never said.

"It's been four years since April died. Four years since I last used. And I'm dying. I'm only 26. Please learn from my mistakes, don't put yourself through that."

He fully turned to Mark then smiling softly. No matter how hard that was, it felt good to get it off his chest. This was his last performance, and his last confession.

"Mark, I want to go home now."


End file.
